Rhod Gibert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト
Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.
If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London with Mr. Lloyd Langford.
How are you, Little Lloyd Langford? / Uh, good, thank you. I ... I didn't think I was gonna make it because of, uh ... bus problems. / You'd ... you got here at what time? 2 minutes to 11? / Yes. / This is the ... this is the pressures that I'm under as a host, __ my co-host arrives __ 2 minutes to 11. ... I assumed you had been at the, uh, ... I just read this in __ __ thought you had been here ... 512 school kids __ __ donned __ __ and Wizard's hats to set a world record for the most people dressed as Harry Potter in a single place." I thought you'd been down there, dressed as Harry Potter, and had to rush to make it this morning. ... Is that __ __? You were not there? I was ... I was gonna say congratulations. / I always go against the grain, mate. I was dressed as __ / Were you? / some __. ... I was escorted off the premises. / 一度に 512 人がハリー・ポッターの扮装をして、ギネスの記録を塗り替えたそうだ。お前、それに参加してたんじゃないのか？ おめでとうと言おうと思ってたんだ。/ 皆に合わせる、というのは性に合わないんだ。だから __ の扮装をしたら、警備員に追い出されたよ。 / ... Huh, there you go. Uh, that's where he has been, ladies and gentlemen, til 2 ... where were you till 2 minutes to 11? / I was waiting. You know, they have the electronic countdown timer on a bus stop, telling you when the bus is gonna arrive? / Yeah. I know. I know that kind of thing. / 何か、そういうもんがあるな。 / It might as well __ __ ... might as well have been a random number generator. It kept changing. / 表示されている時刻がコロコロ変わるんだ。まるで乱数発生器だよ。/ ... Did it? / Then I said to __ __ __ bus stop, "We've invested so much time in this now, I have to see the bus come. / People listening to this show think we are big stars. / No, they don't. / They don't think that you'd be waiting __ a bus stop, trying to get to the show __ __ morning, right? / they / they imagine a limo pulling up outside here, and you / the door being pro__ed open ... / __ BBC Wales, man ... __ I __ __ __ me down. / ... Uh, coming up on the show today, ... I don't know. We don't know yet. Lloyd only got here 2 minutes to 11. So, I haven't had enough time to prepare. / ... Shut up. / I ... we haven't had enough time to ... to go through and make __ __ detailed plan __ __ __ show's gonna be, if you turn up 2 minutes before we start. ... __ __ __ __ disgrace __ __ dog house. ... Right. / and then I started picking dog hair off my microphone. / ... Yeah. I've got dog__ hair on my microphone as well, actually. I think it's Rosy, actually, you know, the dog over there. / Yeah, yeah. / Um ... look at this. Look at my ... look at my ... / yeah, / look at my top. / Yeah. You are covered in it. / Absolutely covered in it. / You look like a yeti, mate. / __ __ I look like a dog. That's what I look like. You don't need ... you don't need to reach out for other things. / オレは犬に見える。それでいいじゃないか。追討ちをかけることはなかろう。 / I look like a dog. I'm covered in dog hair. I look like a dog. / bipedal. You are on two feet / you know / 二足歩行をしているね。/ accused of being bipedal / 二足歩行をして悪いか？/ which means / only the talented dogs walk on two feet. You'd get into the quarter-finals of Britain's Got Talent, no problem. / ちっとも悪くない。二足歩行ができる犬ってことで、ブリテンズ・ゴット・タレントに出れば余裕で準々決勝まで行けるよ。 / it's only yeti and __ that can walk upright? / ほかにも二足歩行をする動物はいるだろう？ 人間とか。 / uh, yeah / non-shedding, this dog is supposed to be. Look at it. Look at the state of me. / You __ need a refund / have you got the receipt? / 毛が抜けない犬種のはずなんだが。/ 返品すれば？ レシート持ってる？ / I haven't. Luckily, uh, I'm enjoying the company. Uh, ... now, then, ... so, what have you found / looking / paper / here you are / all covered / whole show, got features ... what have you got? / I've got a massive story / have you? / say, then / __ exclusive as well. ... You know, uh, Kym Marsh from Coronation Street? / I know Kym Marsh from Coronation Street. I met her the other day. So, be very careful. / 先日、彼女に会っておしゃべりをしたばかりだ。だから彼女に関する発言には気をつけてくれ。 / Oh yeah. She did Buzzcocks. / そういえば Never Mind The Buzzcocks に出てたね。/ She did Buzzcocks. / Well, you will be unhappy to hear / home __ almost dropped / thousand pounds in value / That is ... well, I mean, __ __ happy __ __ she's gonna be to hear that. I mean ... how do we know this? / well / exclusive / drop the asking price for her house for a fifth time. ... __ __ __ __ an inside source ... / __ __ __ __ books / and he or she says they just want to rid of it. / Well well well well well. ... How much is it going for? / 555 thousand. / Why don't you get it with __ money you are saving / getting / bus / here / every morning / 毎朝バスに乗って節約して貯め込んだ金で買えばいいじゃないか。/ I'll tell you what, then. Do you wanna non-story __ __? Is that your non-story of the week? Is that what you are submitting? / Well, that's not news / I mean / this is page 13 __ __ __ __ __ __ __ soap star __ her house isn't worth as much as when she bought it. / Yeah. OK. Hang on a minute I can compete with that, non-story-wise. Let me fetch my pile of non-stories from the week. / __ __. I didn't realize you __ __ __ly prepared. / Well, I turned up on time, didn't I? ... Luckily, I was here before 2 minutes to 11. / Well, mate, to be fair, we are in your house. / ... That is true. / And you did initially tell me the show was gonna be in Swansea. / I did have a geographical advantage. Have you been to Swansea first? Is that why, uh ... is that why you were late? / 先にスワンジーへ行ったのか？ だから遅くなったのか？ / "Dear Rhod and co-host, we spotted this fine example of local journalism in this week's edition of the Cambrian News. ... We were visiting our hometown in West Wales and I thought it would make a worthy contribution to your __ occasional feature, Non-story of the Week." This is from Ian __ in Cardiff. OK. So, you've got, uh, Celebrity's ... "Celebrity's home __ not worth as much as it was" / Yeah. they could have just re-titled my story "Inflation". / ... Yeah. Uh ... "Two complaints over clock chimes interfering with sleep" ... / ... That's, uh ... that's the one that's been submitted by Ian / been / Newcastle / not funny, uh ... not funny, necessarily. Somebody ... somebody / interfered with / I think / two complaints over clock chimes / that they, uh ... that they find a ... a little tribute. That's my first entry __ __ non-story of the week / the second one / I stayed in, uh ... a hotel, last week, right next to a clock, and, uh, / chime / you stayed / hotel next to a clock / yeah / I thought you meant just nextdoor __ just, uh ... like, a little alarm __ __ b__ of little alarm clock__ was the nextdoor__. ... That was ... / I grew up next to a church. So, I'm ... / Huh, you're used to it? / ... used to it, I guess. / Yeah. ... Do you? / Yeah, I guess so. / Does it ... uh, did your church go, you know, bing bong every night ... all night? ... Not bing bong, but you know what I mean. What do they go? / 何て鳴るのかな / ... .... No, that's for crossroads / 待てよ。これは交差点の音だな。 / what do they do, the clocks? / It bongs the hours. / That's Big Ben __ just bongs, isn't it? / No / church / Port Albert / doesn't bong / booong / It does. The bell / they haven' ... / That's Big Ben. / they haven't got bell-ringers up there __ __ four o'clock in the morning, banging out a tune / automatic. It bongs one bong for every hour. ... You know how a clock works? / I know ...? Hey, of course I know how a clock works. They used to call me ... Rhod ... Rhod ... uh ... / Rhod the Clock? / Rhod the Clock, they used to call me. ... I was trying to say, Rhod the Clock "__ and logical" Gilbert. __ __ __ didn't go bong __ __ __ night? / Yeah. The / night / "ping" or something / It doesn't go "ping" __ __ __ __ microwave / 「チン」とはいわないよ。電子レンジじゃないんだから。 / Oh yeah. ... They don't go "bong" / "chime" / Yeah. "Chime" is / acceptable onomatopoeic description of a chime. / I don't think it is. What's, uh ... what was a church ... / clock / when you sleep __ somewhere / well / I've stayed in places / stayed in a hotel / you know, small towns often ... often rural __ __ stayed in / yeah / night sleep is only disturbed occasionally by the faint chiming of a church clock. / Well, I think / sounding the hour, announcing the hour ... / Chiming / and / bonging / are both acceptable. / I don't think they are, mate. I don't think chime and bong __ __ __ same thing, for a start. ... OK. ... Uh, anyway ... / Well, / put it / put out __ feature, but / I / __ consciousness / I'm allowed to do that ... __ __ __ __ __ __ feature. What do church clocks in rural __s do all night? / Oh yeah. / Yeah ... 'cause I ... I don't ... it's not "bong". It's ... it's more of a chime, I think, but I can't quite work it out. __ __ it is sometimes a little tune, isn't it? / Yeah. Sometimes / it's like / a little / that's not that, mate. That's wh__ boy drivers __ __ got going past the street __ __ / go __ __ / パパラパパラ ... 教会の鐘というより暴走族だな。
My non-story of the week II is, "A third of British male admit they wear wrong-seized trousers." ... It's a good one. ... Come on, that's a good non-story. / I think they __ ... / One in three British men admit ... they confess that they wear wrong-sized trousers / that's a good non-story / mistake / episode of __ and __ __ documentary / ... "mostly, too tight" it says. ... Who'd ... who__ / research / wake up in the morning and go "I know what I'm gonna research / do today / I'm an important scientist. I'm gonna find out / British men / wrong-sized trousers / I recently bought a ... a pair of trousers / wrong size / I was gonna say, "Let me stop / wrong size / what size did you buy? / Uh ... 36 waist and 34 length. / Even I ... I've never bought you trousers. I've never measured your waist. I've never been involved at ... in any capacity, in your trouser-purchasing, but I could have told you they'd be too ... they'd be wrong. You are not 36 waist, for a start. / Yeah. ... I ... so ... / How come I can know that when you don't know that? / Well, sometimes 34 is a bit tight, you know / after Christmas. ... I bought these ... I bought them on ... I was talking to L__ S__ about this the other day. / Oh my god. ... So, this is the second time this has been discussed on Radio Wales? / Yeah. / __ S__ is a BBC Radio Wales presenter, ladies and gentlemen. If any of you out there are thinking, "God, how bad is Radio Wales?" __ just ... this is the second time that Lloyd's wrong trousers has been discussed on national radio. / I bought ... I bought / I think you should try and go for a record / get it discussed in many Radio Wales programmes / こうなったら記録を目指せ。できる限りたくさんの番組でお前のサイズの合ってないズボンの話をしろ。 / I'm doing Jason M__ / I am / I'm doing a quiz on Jason M__ show / 予定だから、 / I'll slip it in the conversation / 何とか、会話に滑り込ませてみよう。 / You've gotta get it in, mate. / get it / and I'll give you 50p / Comic Relief / right / right / bit ... bit ... do you mind if I unbutton my top button / bit / you've gotta get it in. You've gotta get it on J__ M__ show / ちょっときついので、失礼して、ボタンを ... / Uh ... last one. Here's your last one. You ... you can choose __ which one __ the non-story of the week. Is it "Town gets new toilet to help draw visitors / 町が観光客を増やすために新しいトイレを設けた / That one, I think. / That was, uh, sent / Hey, Rhod / hey / the podcast / if you're still doing / boring news stories, here's one for you: "Town gets new toilets to help draw visitors / you've gotta tell us __ town first / the benefit. / Well, I can't see / sent in here / photocopied ... bluh bluh bluh ... it's true. / Let ... let us know. Ge in touch if you'er __ towner / new toilet recently. / どこの町の話だろう？ 町の名前を書いてくれないと。リスナーの皆さん、もし、皆さんの町の最近トイレを新設したなら、お知らせください。 / Yeah. ... Or, if you've been ... or, if you've been attracted to a town because of the new toilet. ... Announce the winner, Lloyd. / "Toilet town" is the winner. / そうそう。それと、新しいトイレができたからという理由でその町に行ってみたいと思った人も、知らせてくれ。仮に「トイレット・タウン」と呼んでおこう。というわけで、「今週のどうでもいい話」グランプリは「トイレット・タウン」。
"Hi, Rhod. Long-time podcast listener," says here, __ __ G__ J__. ... "Any chance of a shout-out whilst I'm waiting for a haircut? / ヘアサロンで順番待ちをしている間、シャウトアウトを一発お願いできますか？ / quite a while ago / still / or maybe you're having your haircut now. Uh ... / I've got some haircut news, actually. / Ho, ho, how about that, G__? Not only have you got a shout-out whilst possibly waiting ... or receiving a haircut, but Lloyd's got some haircut news. Why didn't you ... why didn't you enter this in non-story of the week / haircut news / well / launching a new section of the show? / No. This is directly below / blindsighted by the Kym M__'s house crisis / Oh, I see. This is underneath your first story? OK. / Boris __ and his wife have been threatened with court action over a three thousand pound bill from her celebrity hair-dresser." / ... Wow. What ... what ... how ... how many haircuts does that get you ... with her celebrity hair-dresser? / Uh ... / __ __ __ __ haircut, right? / "how much?"? / Yeah. / I think / 15 pounds / and I give him 2 pound extra. / ... Well, it looks very smart. / __, thank you. ... It doesn't say how much they ... how many haircuts ... she ... I mean ... Oh, wait a second / 3,000 / 30,000 / No. I said 3,000. / Huh, did you? Sorry. / Her haircut's __ a thousand pound a time. / ... No. / Yes, ... 'cause she gets, uh ... human-hair extensions ... on her head, like, not __ __ __ / __ you don't need to say ... it's like horse-polo. You don't need to say "human-hair" extension / 「人間の髪でできたカツラ」は無駄な表現だ。「馬に乗ってポロをする」と言うようなものだ。カツラなるもの、すべからく人間の髪でできているのだろう？/ all / human hair / some of them / like, uh, dog hair or something? / No / use / or / horse's mane / 馬のたてがみとか / you could go into a second business / your / I think some of them are, um ... synthetic hair. Human hairs are very highly valued. / Is it? / Yeah, in the ... in the wig and extension business. / Could anyone just __ __ their hair to ... / You can sell your hair by the weight, I think / yeah / why aren't we all doing that, in these times, you know, uh, times of hardship, times __ __ __ in all seriousness, why aren't we selling our hair? Why __ __ __ __ natural assets? / Well, I mean, / you / just shave your back and your stomach and / bag full hair in to a hair-dresser / "Do you want this?" / I've got a hairy back, mate. ... And I've got a hairy stomach. / You've got / I can see / you / got T-shirt on ... and, as usual, saying hello to me at the top of it / you're a rug / hair / come from my chest / my stomach / like / combed up from my belly / looks like you've combed / your chest / why don't you sell that? / 売ればいいじゃん。 / Remember when you told me / one time / idea / to shave my chest? / Yeah. / And I did it. / 剃っちゃったよ。 / Oh, did you? __'s so impressionable. Why did you do it? / 影響されやすい年頃か？ なぜそんなことした？ / 'cause you __ make fun of me / on this show / hairy chest, and that. / ... What happened? / __ __ __ __ / you shouldn't / never let it grow back / did you sell it to __ hair-dresseers? / No. I just put it in a bin. / Why don't we sell our hair / hair-dresser / __ __ __ __ certain length and quality ... you know, / Quality? / What? If I ever __ __ __ hair-dressers around here / they / have a look / this is / this is grade 4 / split ends ... or, you know, from __ __ n__ regions ... / __ __ __ __ / oh, they're really fussy there, aren't they? / if / going to a hair-dresser with a bag of hair, they would go, "Hang on a minute. Some of this pubic hair, mate. / 拝見しましょう。おや、これは ... 陰毛が混じってますね。引き取れません。 / I'm not buying this. My customers won't want ... won't want it ... on their head / __ try__ to pad it out with curlies / 陰毛を混ぜて増量してはいけない / there we are, ladies and gentlemen, if you / curly / Lloyd's tip ... tip for the day / never pad / just won't work / すぐバレるからね。 / I don't think / sell hair directly to a hair-dresser / Oh? You've got to __ __ __ an agent? / you've got another middleman / they / get rid of hair, aren't they, hair-dressers? / why don't hair-dressers sell / own / to other hair-dressers / you are being silly there / Well, why would you sell / anyone / talk about selling __ to people. / just / turn up with a bag of hair / just / give / that was what I was thinking __ first / thought, "Hang on a minute. Hair-dressers / got loads of it. Why / they / want more / ヘアサロンは髪の毛だらけだ。なぜわざわざ仕入れる？ ... と思った。 / no / has to be a certain length / certain quality, color ... __ certain color / I don't think you know / I think / I've seen it before / bag of hair / the hair-dresser started looking over / quality / back __ what about a little magnifying? / ちょっと拡大してみようか / let's have a look at this, Mrs. Jenkins __ __ __ __ __ this is a rare w__ / I've seen it on a documentary / oh / you've seen it on a documentary? / People do sell their hair, like __ __ __ genuinely / Unbelievable. ... I am writing a sitcom, as you know, at the moment, Lloyd / writing __ sitcom / for about ten years / Yeah / ... where you / idea / you play my brother in the sitcom, / Yes. / Right? And ... and, one of the key features of __ __ __ __ you keep saying "I saw a documentary / you've just done it yourself / never ... when __ do do this __ sitcom __, ever do it __ never say, "Where did you get" / ideas from / for my character / Rhod?" / 'cause it's you.
Well, there's been a lot of ... a lot of animal-based, uh ... animals getting on other animals, and animals picking up __ animals / hitching / animals hanging / animal's back / some / Oh, there has been loads. There's an ... / You were referring there to, of course, to the, uh, notorious story, this week, of a weasel that was photographed on a woodpecker's back. / Yeah. / What was he doing? / Well, everyone was saying __ __ weasel's clearly attacking a woodpecker, but / looked to me very much like / just having a lift / I think / next to each other. / They ... the things like that, little symbiotic relationships occur in nature all the time ... little __ __ __ like, um ... I ... I ... it didn't look, to me, ... that's what they said, __ ... wasn't it? ... weasel attacks __ woodpecker / picture / flying along perfectly nicely with a weasel __ __ hanging on his back __ __ looking around as if / just / it looks like he's just hitching a lift / woodpecker / like, to cross a river, perhaps / yeah / some__ / weasel / naturally cross easily without a bridge. / Yeah. / And then everyone / I think / relationships ... there's / I think it's Brazil ... with a spider and a frog that live together. ... They live together in a perfectly symbiotic relationship. The spider hunts ... / Yeah? / ... and then, when he comes home in the evening, the ... the frog cleans ... cooks, cleans, and c__ks, and things like that / said / "c__ks" loosely. ... He'd ... / No. ... don't frogs eat spiders? / __ __ __ no G__ W__ / __ head / Don't frogs eat spiders? ... Oh yeah, maybe that's what it was. ... Yeah. That's what it is. The spider goes out all day, hunts, and when he comes home, the frog eats him. That's the symbiotic ... that's why ... I don't know why they live together, to be honest.
M__, while we were talking about hair earlier, ... / Yeah. / selling your hair / she's found a web site. You can calculate the price of your hair if you wanna sell your hair / I mean, as Lloyd pointed out earlier, don't try to pad it out with curlies / 髪を売る時、陰毛で増量しようなどと考えてはならない。 / but if you want / work out / let's work out how much your hair is worth. / お前の髪がいくらで売れるか計算してみよう。 / OK. / OK. / I've got some, uh, grey bits in there / see if that's worth anything. / ... No, I mean / oh, sorry. I thought you ... I thought you were trying / using that as a selling point. ... Hair length, please ... in inches. / 長さは？ / Uh ... what would you say ... like, an inch, maybe / One. ... It's not a good start. / １インチか ... 先行き不安だな。/ ... Hair thickness? / Oh, it's like a wirebrush, mate. / 太さは ... ワイヤーブラシみたい、ってとこかな。 / like a wire-brush ... / all the hairs are pretty much the same thickness, isn't it? / ? / 髪の太さなんてみんな同じだろ？ / No. Sometimes it's wispy. / Oh yeah. ... Oh, hang on, "To measure the thickness of your hair, you must hold it in a tight pony tail and measure the total circumference / does not refer to individual strands. / Huh. / Huh. / that would __ __ a waste of afternoon / measure / individual strand / you fool / tight pony tail / 一本の太さを直接測るのではなく、きつくポニーテールにして、束の太さを測る。 / I don't think you can / they are too short. / 短すぎてポニーテールにできない。 / They're too short. ... So, that's ... / Hair color? Ginger / 色は？ / brown / mate / brown-grey / __ like __ fox / brown and grey ... that's ... / with a ginger bit in the beard / I'm not selling / the rest / beard / you __ look like someone from "Guess Who?", mate. / if my hair / your beard's the best bit. Ginger and grey. That's rare. / No. __ __ __ __ recently? / you said / gold mine / Uh ... "Is your hair ..." and it says, "virgin hair?" / あなたの髪はヴァージン・ヘアですか？ / Yes. / そうだよ。 / __, you don't even know what virgin hair is, do you? / わかって言ってるか？ / It has never been sold before. / ヴァージン・ヘアだよ。売ったこともないもん。 / Never been sold before? / Yeah. / Never knowingly sold? / that's what / means / virgin hair / "What is virgin hair?" ... Oh, right. OK. / on the bottom ... virgin hair ... um ... virgin hair ... Is your hair a virgin, Lloyd? / No. / It's not? / No. / You just said it was virgin hair / well, if it means what you are implying it means, no. / what do you mean / means? / You are asking am I a virgin / ボクが童貞かって訊いてるんでしょ？ / I am not asking ... / above my hair / asking / asking your hair / if it's a virgin. / お前にヴァージンかと訊いてるんじゃない。お前の髪にヴァージンかと訊いているんだ。 / it has been __. / ... You should always take it off first __ __ __ courtesy. / really / a question / No, it's not. "Virgin hair" is a term. I'm gonna tell you what it means now. ... "Virgin hair" does not mean, "has your hair been __?" / of course it doesn't mean that. / Tell us what it means, then. / virgin hair ... oh, this is __ good quiz. Virgin Hair Quiz. / ... Right. / OK. ... Virgin hair ... / Yeah, / __ __ four answers / Right. / OK? / Yeah. / you've got to get two out of four to pass the Virgin Hair Quiz / Yeah, OK. / three out of four, really, shouldn't it be? / get. ... Why? / Well, 'cause / 50 percent / pass / yeah, OK / get three out of four. ... Virgin hair ... refers to hair that has never been ... what? / ヴァージン・ヘアーとは一度も「あること」をされていない髪のことをいいます。その「あること」とは何でしょう？/ ... Uh ... is it multiple choice? / It's not multiple choice. There are four things. You've got to get three of them / just established that / OK / So, I have to guess now? / Yes. That's why I'm doing the heartbeat. / It's hair that has never been cut? / Huh ... wrong. / Don't tell me it's hair that's never been sold, or I'll punch you in the face. / 「一度も売られたことがない」が答えだったら殴るよ。/ It's not that. / never been / present / virgin hair refers to __ hair that has never been ... / ... washed? / __ __ four things. ... No. / ... never been fondled? / ... Virgin hair is the hair that's never been fondled? / Combed? / You seriously think that people / hang on a minute / have a look / hair's been fondled ... that's been ... combed? / ... __ed with, um ... jells and waxes and __ / Now you are closer. ... You are closer now. / Right. / What ... / Never been permed? / Huhhh. ... Buzzz. One. Never been permed. Virgin hair. / I have got virgin hair, then. / Well, so far. / three other things / have you ever dyed your hair? / No. / Have you ever bleached your hair? / yes / when I was a child. / Heh heh heh ... OK. So, you've got ... / you've never permed it? / No. / you've never dyed it? / No. / You have b__ it / you need this ... to go / here / from here / be able to say / virgin hair / has your hair ... oh, no, there__ more things ... over the page. ... Has your hair been colored? / That's the same as "dyed", isn't it? / excited. Rosy, calm down. / never been colored / It's never been colored? / Nope. / apparently, there are different things / 「染める」と「カラーリングする」は違うのかな / has it been ironed? / コテをあてたことはあるか？ / It says here / ironed or curled / damaging methods, or chemically treated, in any way? / No. / No? / There was one mix-up when / my shirt the other day. / bent down / stubborn crease out / well, you don't pass / you have bleached it / you need to pass all those things / stringent, isn't it? / oh, yeah, well, that's true / You can't ... you can't 'cause / how long ago was it? / Like, over 20 years ago, I guess. / Over 20 years ... I'm gonna put that in the ... uh, / bracket box / apply / send off to __ __ __ see what happens to your hair
"Hey, Rhod ..." ... this is James from B__ / Lloyd's not wrong. My mate sold her hair for nearly a grand. / so long. She went / holiday off it. / 彼女はそのお金で旅行に行きました。 / I think ... I think we've worked out / you know / from that web site / we've found / needs to be pretty impressive hair, doesn't it? / on the site / on that web site / they've got / people selling their hair / hair length: 20 to 25 inches" says a girl. / That is good. / She says, "I'm selling at least 22 inches of a virgin, naturally-curvy/wavy red hair." This is ... look at this one. Uh ... "1500 dollars __ __ __ __ no heat, air-dry only / usually / put up / 30 inches plus of hair. I have thick, curly red hair that just requires a shake-and-go. / It is money for nothing, I guess / hair / it looks like / money / it looks like, uh, red hair is especially valuable. So, you beard could be ... who knows? You could be ... you could be ... your face could be, sort of ... __ a gold mine / worried / about growing it long like that / someone / break into my house / be annoying / your head / I don't think you need it anyway. / 赤毛は貴重らしい。お前の顔は宝の山かもしれんぞ。 / ボクの髪にそんな価値があったら、夜中に誰かが忍び込んで切ってもってくんじゃないかな。怖いよ。/ いっそ頭ごともってってもらえ。ケチケチするな。頭の一つや二つ。
This is a new story / owners / council / Cambridgeshire / decided to consider the scheme. / XXX 衛生課では路上に放置された犬のフンを飼い主の郵便ポストに届けることを検討している。/ that ... now then / you know / I said / last time on this show / every week / well, some weeks / through the papers / stories, don't I? / Yeah. / circle / little / occasionally. ... That story, I remember circling about two years ago. So it'll be / in my pile ... in my pile / archive / in my archive down here / you hold the fort. I / go and get it / my archives / 'cause you / got that now / report / news / this is the Daily Star, mate. / Yeah, but / I / find / originally posted as news. / ... This could take __ __ __ __ / you / find the story out / mate, as I said / this is not some just / piles of newspapers / as it looks like. I know exactly ... I'm like __ British Library, mate. I know exactly what I'm doing / within minutes ... within minutes, I will have a story about dog poo being posted back to owners / Got it? / Yeah. ... "Town post dog poo back to owners." ... Huh. A Spanish town / Huh / it's keeping its street / got / idea / streets clean / by sending / deposits back to the owners in a box marked "LOST PROPERTY". / 小包みのおもてには「遺失物」と書かれている。 / say / country? / they're considering doing that / "consider"? / two years old, the story / say / box, though / I / back / well, that's ... that is what I found interesting, you see. / what / how / do it / here, in Spain / in a course of a week / team of 20 volunteers patrol the town streets on the lookout for dog owners who fail to scoop up, then / guilty / actually / catch them in the act / 現行犯だ / I think / only way you can do it / "They approach the guilty owner and strike up a casual conversation to discover the name of the dog." See? So, you ... that's what you / been / street / dressed casually ... plain clothes ... plain clothes, these people, and / dog / the street / Yeah, / and you go up / lovely dog. What breed ... what breed is that / strike up a casual conversation / about / dog owners / always very friendly / how old is that dog? / breed / where does the dog live, then? / uh ... what's your address? / say / and when the dog owner goes off, leaving / on the street / post it back to that address / I've chatted __ dog owners, right? / Yeah, / ... you can get information __ dog out of them / they'll ... they'll freely / ever asked / dog's address / __ __ __ __ __ sort of, nudging into where / so, you've never tried it? / they're gonna be on guard, I was / suspicious / never tried / how old is he? ... Where do you live?" ... I need a post code and the house number / You do ... you do it subtly / you go / address / watch this. Now, you / dog / Yeah. / Go on. / ... Uh, ... hello. / Well, I would start. You wouldn't say hello to me / オレから始める。お前はオレに話しかける用事はないはずだから。 / walking / dog / yeah. I'm walking my dog / yeah. now, then, your dog / you are not the type to pick it up / if you were, I wouldn't be interested. / yeah. but in real life, I am / 現実には、ボクは自分の犬のフンをちゃんと処理するからね。 / you are now role-playing / not interested in picking / irresponsible dog owner / yeah / I've got a bag / if / get into the character / 本腰を入れて演じたいなら、袋を貸してやる。 / wouldn't have a bag, would you? / ちょっとまて。無責任な飼い主だから、袋なんか持ってないはずだ。 / so, as you were / so, you are walking down the street / OK. Your dog ... __ a little p__ / vet / still the first one. ... Still the first one. ... All right? / Yeah. / You ... what would you do? You'd look around suspiciously ... furtively, wouldn't you? / pretend / pretend you / see / beach / distracted by a crab / まるで海辺を散歩していてカニにでも気をとられている体で / pretend you haven't seen it. ... I would come up to you / I would go, "Huh, lovely day, isn't it? / nice / I / say / lovely / I'm a dog lover. / All right. / Yeah. I'm a dog lover. ... What's your dog's name? / Uh ... Pedro. / ... That's a nice ... oh ... Isn't he lovely? Isn't he lovely? What breed is he? / that's a cross (1. 交配種である 2. 怒っている), isn't it? / No, he's, __, uh, placid / いえいえ、おとなしいもんですよ / and then / and I say ... uh ... / live locally? Or / did you get / local / a rescued dog / local rescue? / Yeah. / within / door bell's gone in the middle of the show. This is the ... one of the perils of doing a show from your own house / in the middle / just / that / I / just / nailed you there / check / door bell's gone / M__y / house party. ... That could be somebody delivering / dog poo back that didn't pick up / おや、訪問客が。自宅から放送しているとつねにこの危険が。本番中に来客があるという。何の用だろう？オレが処理しなかった犬のフンを届けに来たのかもしれん。 / I don't think they'd ring the bell / だとしたら呼び鈴は鳴らさないでしょ。/ they'd have to. / get / letter box / big box / much / that'd be heck of a coincidence / arriving / picked / You pick up, though? / I do pick up / but maybe / past / maybe / そりゃオレは、自分の犬のフンをちゃんと処理するよ。でもたまにあるじゃん、犬がちょっとどっかいっちゃってさ、こっちが気づかないうちにそのへんの草むらでしちゃったとか。 / I don't pick up Pedro's / say to you / so, is it / local rescue / find / live, roughly / say / oh, no / yeah / it was ... it was local / where was the rescue center / I'm interested in / rescued dogs, you see / went to, um, one in / and that's local to you / was it far? How far was it from your house to the rescue center / it's approximately half an hour / not / And, does he live with you, the dog, is it? / Of course he lives with me / well, I think the beauty / very small / you wouldn't need a big house, would you? / あれですよね、__ はサイズが小さいから、大きな家に住む必要がありませんよね。小さなアパートで飼えるのが利点ですね。 / you are like / D__ B__ / I am like D__ B__ / getting / information / small flat, is it? / アパートは小さいのですか？ / flat / アパートに住んでるなんて言ってないよ。 / who says / house, is it / yeah / house / ほほう。では一戸建てですね。で ... / detatched, or ...? / need to know / from the rescue center / do you / I wonder sometimes / of course / get more and more information out of you like that / Yeah. But, mate, I mean, / overlook the garden / keep an eye / out there / you / need / windows of my house / overlook / front garden / windows / yeah / they do / I don't think that's gonna narrow __house__ down / I'll tell you what. I'm / house / how __ you get up to the top floor? / well, I'm realizing / kitchen / realize / does take quite a long time / somebody / exactly where / without alerting them ... without alerting them to anything suspicious / I / really well, mate, but / down / 出だしはよかったけど、後半には明らかに住所をずけずけときいてるじゃないか / actually / have to ask / if / small village in Spain ... / Yeah, / they would know / owner / Well, this is what they did / during the course of __ week, / patrolled town streets / lookout / who failed the clear-up / yeah / then / approach the guilty owner ... / Yeah, / ... like I did with you, ... / strike up a casual conversation __ discover the name of the dog / oh, this is much more sensible / they didn't use my technique. / your __ is not gonna work, is it? / ... My technique ... it takes, ... uh, it takes roughly half an hour - 40 minutes ... to get the ... to get an approximate post code __ __ ... "They approach the guilty owner, strike up a casual conversation __ __ the name of the dog and the breed, it's possible to identify the owner from registered-pet database held in the town hall / pick up the dog's p__ / put it in a box. / Yeah, / and send it back to the owner / 犬の名前と犬種がわかれば、登録データベースから飼い主を特定できる。 / now, the only problem / that, for me, is that, most parcels / house / end up going / back to the depot / put / one of those little red things / with the neighbour. / ひとつ困ることは、オレが不在のときに届いた小包は、お隣さんに預かってもらうことになってるんだ。
This is one of the stories that caught my eyes this week / about / hair earlier / man / amock / over a bad haircut / flipped / Yeah. / Yeah. / maybe they took off too much / sell / he said ... the quote is, "I did not like / the way / what did he do? / lost his temper, / yeah, / started throwing items ... / Right. / Now, this is odd. ... If you were a hair-dresser / it could happen, couldn't it? He's been arrested now / 逮捕された / Really? / yeah / he did lose his temper / よほど暴れたんだね / he'd been arrested / kicked __ a hole in the wall / right / right / swearing t__ / oh, yeah / ... at employees and customers / kicked a hole in the wall? / Yeah. / this / trashed place / swore at the customers / and stormed out." ... OK? / Story over? / No. ... He comes back later and asked the stylist to try and make it better. ... And, if you were a stylist and you've just had your salon trashed / hole / kicked in / have another look / tidy up __ the ears __ __ __ __ everything is all right. / police got involved / arrested / throwing items / now I will give you / Hair-dresser Item Quiz / Oh yeah. / OK. For every item you get on this list / I'll give you a pound / knowing that you won't get any of them / ひとつも正解できないであろうことが最初からわかってるから。 / yeah / what item would you expect somebody / throw / scissors? / Wrong. / comb? / Wrong. / uh ... vial of b__ / vial of b__ is a good guess. A vial of b__ is a trememdous guess. ... Not right. Buzzz. / hair products? / Wrong. ... Too vague as well, frankly, after __ __ __ / hair-clippers / Wrong. / Towels? / Wrong. / Um ... aprons? / ... Pathetic. ... Aprons? / Yeah, just to stop the hair going on you / I know / you can't throw / in a fit of peak. ... First of all, you'd have to / the thing off from somebody's head / have to undo / end up / sometimes / round / again. You ... you can't ... if you are __ __ temper / time for that, mate / instant / you can't undo things / undo / in __ fit of peak / 頭に血が上っているんだ。ほどいたり結んだりしている時間はない。 / calm down / それをしてたら心の平穏を取り戻してしまうよ。 / my hair-dressers / old copies of FHM? / ... Do you know what it was? / Buzzz. Wrong. Your time's up. / right / items including a __ and a candle / no wonder __ __ __ a bad haircut / funeral parlo__r / sound of it. ... He'd gone to a wrong shop. / 髪型がどうこう以前に、入る店を間違ってる。
if / whole show / live on Saturday mornings, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.
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Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト